Do it for the plot
"I feel like you're just doing shit to do shit," he said shaking his head.
I laughed because it felt like he plucked that sentence right from my brain.
“Why am blowing up my perfectly easy, comfortable, abundant life in Chicago for the unknown of a new city?” That’s where I’ve been lately. Ruminating on that question.
I've been trying to visualize my life 365 days from now. Wondering if I'll be happy or regretful. If this is the right decision, if I rushed this, if I'm going to miss this. If I’m fucking up a really good thing.
I'm drowning in those two letters. I.F.
My neighbors have been treated to random, loud outbursts. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!" Those brief moments of panic and confusion running through my body. Moments where I collapse onto my knees and just cry. “Why, why, why am I doing this?”
But in truth, there are also moments where I feel brave. Moments where my tears aren't of fear or confusion but tears of accomplishment. Past the feelings exhaustion there is a place full of feelings of achievement and excitement. In that place, I am alone dancing. In that place, I am at the finish line on my knees, beaming.
Lately, what I mostly feel is intimately enveloped with life. I'm experiencing something so overwhelming, so personal, so challenging, so lonely that it forces you into a wakefulness, a deep awareness of every moment.
Reminiscing on the twists and turns of my journey, I see a pattern of stages. Stages where I wanted to feel life push up against me, where I wanted to feel the rawness of it. Stages when I'm yearning to feel wide eyed and curious again. Stages when I want to add to the plot. New chapters, new characters. Stages where I want to recreate and meet a new version of myself. Stages where I feel open and brave and I just do shit to do shit. And then there’s a story to tell. And that's the best part.
Don’t forget, you’re writing a story. Do it for the plot.
“Using a chapter for major plot points increases tension, expands character development, and raises stakes as the story progresses. Each major plot point in your novel is essential for building a story that avoids episodic repetition.”