The inevitable slow fade
Lately, I've been thinking about relationships. Specifically about the role of time during a breakup — how your relationship with time when you’re heartbroken and grieving is different from your appreciation of time if you initiated the breakup.
When you initiated the breakup, time usually gives you the space that you needed, the pause in the relationship rollercoaster. You welcome the time you have to yourself and your thoughts - breathing room. Whereas the brokenhearted tend to struggle with that same amount of time they now have to themselves.
Time is the magical eraser of the tiniest memories. As the days pass, the places and spaces that would tug at your heart start to seem different in some way. The inevitable slow fade of the movie reel. If you're not ready to let go of those memories, you get this deep yearning to pause time so you can control the changes that are happening in your mind.
Regardless of what side you're on, at some point, there is this sudden awareness that time is playing its role the only way it knows how - by changing things. Whether time is dragging or filling you with distractions, this awareness suddenly comes to the forefront. This other person is fading not only from your day-to-day life but from your day-to-day thoughts.
It's this particular moment that either pulls you back in or propels you forward.
In this stage, I think it's easy to romanticize the past. "Remember when things were good? Remember when life was better?” If you let your thoughts roam enough, you wonder if somehow trying again will lead to a happier ending.
And suddenly you find yourself at a crossroads.
Do you send that text or do you let time do its thing?
Good Reads
‘How Do You Get Over Someone?’ - from the Hola Papi advice column. A reflection of how easy it is to let nostalgia creep in and whether it’s serving you or hurting you. “Nostalgia is a fickle friend. So often it’s fantasy masquerading as historical record”
When Transitioning Between Stages of a Relationship Practice Adaptability by Esther Perel. "We still want the traditional elements of companionship, economic support, family life, and social status, but on top of that, we also want our partners to be a salve against our existential loneliness, a passionate lover, an intellectual equal, and a person who will help us become the best version of ourselves at every stage of our lives."
People we meet on Vacation - A novel. 5/5 rating. Super cute, fun read. A lovely friendship, romantic tension, and vacation vibes. I laughed out loud and even shed a few tears and I'm not alone. It's been nominated for Book of the Year and was the Most Anticipated Book of 2021 by Newsweek and Oprah Magazine.
On TV, I'm recommending Scenes from A Marriage on HBO. 5/5 rating. I don't think there is anything out that's better than this messy, heart-wrenching relationship drama. The chemistry between Jessica Chastain and Oscar Isaac deserves all the awards. Best thing I’ve watched all year but I also love relationship content. Send your recommendations, pls.
Next up is Sex, Love, and Goop on Netflix. Not a huge fan of Gwyneth and Goop but it hits on two of my obsessions - sex and love. Courageous couples journey toward more pleasurable sex and deeper intimacy with help from Gwyneth Paltrow and a team of experts.
I'm Listening to Esther Perel's "Where Should We Begin" Season 5 on Spotify. The incomparable therapist counsels real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of their conflicts.
I leave you with a few words
