Your presence is an experience

My first memory dates back to Kindergarten. Picture me sitting cross-legged on the first day looking at my new friend Ramona to my right, the ABCs, the bright colors around the room, thinking to myself “so I’m going to be here forever.” That’s me. Since the age of 5, I’ve been observing my surroundings with slight dread wondering if I’m going to be stuck here for the rest of my life. But to my surprise, one day it was time to move to another classroom, with new decor and new classmates. As a kid, every new grade, every trip, every project allows you the opportunity to make new friends and build your personality through new environments.

As you grow older life doesn’t offer up as many pretty packaged spaces or opportunities for new adventures as your school years did. That flow of connection and discovery in adulthood is not as easily served up to you. As you age, if you turn away from your curious spirit, if you don’t actively seek out changes in your routines, it’s easy to remain stagnant.

It goes without saying that given our recent circumstances it’s been challenging to find those moments of opportunities for change and new adventures. Much of what we have collectively felt is stagnation.

We shouldn’t diminish the effects of losing two years of consistent interactions. There is a certain self-development and self-awareness that we lost. In my solitude, I’ve come to see the importance of human interactions as a mirror, as a reflection of yourself. When you lose consistent interactions, your reflection starts to fade, and the disconnect to self kicks in. 

But that loss isn’t our forever. We’re now in the process of reentering a consistent, collective exchange of energy. (Let’s ignore the potential for World War 3 for a moment).

Trend forecasters (yes, an actual occupation) are calling this new wave a “vibe shift.” It’s hard to know exactly what that shift will be across fashion, music, or social media because we don’t know exactly know who we are as a society after all this. To me, this phase is ushering in the rediscovery of ourselves and our own vibe through social interactions. 

With each exchange you get the opportunity to notice, reflect and edit your mental scripts. You’re reminded that your presence in the presence of another is an experience.

I had a taste of this rediscovery on a recent trip. My intention was to remain curious and aware of myself in the presence of strangers. I had forgotten how I show up in a room, how it feels to be in my body in the presence of other people. I set out to see my reflection and observe what I remember about myself. To reconnect and rediscover. 

A few thoughts that came to me: 

1. You are an experience and no one can offer the energy you hold.

2. The person next to you has a lesson that will influence the algorithm of life. If you can break that initial wall, you will both undoubtedly blossom in some way. The blossoming doesn’t always come from what they say or what they do, it’s more about how you feel, how you shift throughout the exchange. Notice. 

3. Make notes of the things people say about you and compare that to your mental chatter. One is often more complimentary than the other. Believe in the positive. Revisit often. 

4. Usually what we like most about people is not so much who they are but how they make us feel. That feeling is in you, it belongs to you, it’s just dormant.

5. Most things are not black and white. It’s not always “either/or.” If you allow yourself to feel “both/and” about yourself, others, and about your experiences you allow spaciousness, ease, and patience. It opens up more possibilities and more adventure. This is an ongoing effort of expansion in thought.

6. The vibe shift starts with you. 

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Good Reads:

I Gave Myself Three Months to Change My Personality “After two brutal years, people may be wondering if surviving a pandemic has at least improved their personality, making them kinder and less likely to sweat the small stuff. It may be impossible to know how the pandemic will change us on average, because there is no “average.”

Inside 3 Platonic Relationships Three platonic life couples talk about how they went from friends to life partners, the misconceptions they face within those partnerships, and what happens when a PLP ends. “The progression from acquaintances into best friends and then more was very natural. We had a lot of conversations that best friends have, like, if by the time we’re 30 and we aren’t married, we should just live together and have a life together. Every time I dated someone, I realized I was comparing them to Krystle.”